2008 Woodie Awards
Catholic and Dating
Everett Buyarski and Melissa Gerlach
Issue date: 2/15/06 Section: Faith
Our first thought on being asked to write a piece on Catholic dating was that we weren't exactly qualified for the task. Yes, we're Catholic and have been dating for five months, and do all sorts of "Catholic things" together, but a piece about how we go to Mass together, sing in choir together and pray the Liturgy of the Hours together isn't going to be any more beneficial than if we wrote a piece about how we play intramural soccer together, cook together and go to musicals together. Just doing Catholic things together doesn't make our relationship a Catholic relationship any more than doing non-Catholic things like sports or cooking together makes our relationship a secular one.
However, we do want to claim that our relationship is not a secular relationship, but a Catholic one. If the difference is not in the things we do, it must be in the way love manifests itself in our relationship. In a secular relationship, love is often about mutual feelings of attraction and desire. While it is good that these things are present, for us as Catholics, love has to mean something much more than that. When the Bible speaks of romantic love, it is spoken of in the context of marriage. One of the most commonly cited passages in scripture regarding romantic love and marriage is Ephesians 5:21-33. While this passage doesn't mention anything about dating, its principles ought to apply directly to dating if dating is to be a preparation for marriage, as Catholics believe. Because the passage has two parts, one directed at men, and one at women, we'll address them individually rather than together.
Everett writes: Saint Paul tells men that their responsibility is to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. If I am to love Melissa just as Christ loves the Church, I must first understand the love that Christ has for His Church. Paul explains that this means "giving himself up for her ... so that she maybe holy and without blemish." My love for her must then be a gift of myself, choosing the best for her physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am to care for her physically, helping her to be comfortable when she has back spasms, whether that means helping her up stairs, getting things for her, or massaging out knots. Caring for her emotionally has meant talking with her about her relationships with her family, and discussing what makes her feel safe and what makes her feel vulnerable.
However, we do want to claim that our relationship is not a secular relationship, but a Catholic one. If the difference is not in the things we do, it must be in the way love manifests itself in our relationship. In a secular relationship, love is often about mutual feelings of attraction and desire. While it is good that these things are present, for us as Catholics, love has to mean something much more than that. When the Bible speaks of romantic love, it is spoken of in the context of marriage. One of the most commonly cited passages in scripture regarding romantic love and marriage is Ephesians 5:21-33. While this passage doesn't mention anything about dating, its principles ought to apply directly to dating if dating is to be a preparation for marriage, as Catholics believe. Because the passage has two parts, one directed at men, and one at women, we'll address them individually rather than together.
Everett writes: Saint Paul tells men that their responsibility is to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. If I am to love Melissa just as Christ loves the Church, I must first understand the love that Christ has for His Church. Paul explains that this means "giving himself up for her ... so that she maybe holy and without blemish." My love for her must then be a gift of myself, choosing the best for her physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am to care for her physically, helping her to be comfortable when she has back spasms, whether that means helping her up stairs, getting things for her, or massaging out knots. Caring for her emotionally has meant talking with her about her relationships with her family, and discussing what makes her feel safe and what makes her feel vulnerable.